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You go out with some buddies for a night on the town, hoping to
meet a girl to have some fun with. You head to a bar, get a booth,
and order drinks. The place is kickin', and you and your buddies
are having a good time looking at all the pretty girls...
Except nobody is meeting
any them. You want to talk to them, but you feel
more comfortable sitting around with your friends talking about how
you would like to go home with a girl that night. Instead, you all
end up leaving the same way you came in - together.
This is a pretty common event
among the lovelorn bachelor.
This is a symptom of what I like to call the "comfort zone."
Basically, everyone has a comfort zone. This is a state of mind
where people are surrounded by that which is FAMILIAR. Familiarity
breeds complacency, which can keep you from taking the action
essential to achieve your goals, because that action introduces
uncertainty into your life - something the comfort zone likes to
keep at bay.
So when you want to meet a woman, you need to know how to break out
of this comfort zone.
How do you do this?
The answer is obvious: You must learn to meet women BY
YOURSELF!
Friends can be a great advantage, but most of the time, going out with
friends actually HINDERS your ability to meet women. Not just
because of the comfort zone factor, but because other guys who
don't know what they're doing with girls can actually ruin the
interactions you have with them - be it by jealousy or incompetence.
So the best way to counter this is to LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND.
But the prospect of going out by oneself can strike fear into the
hearts of men. After all, doesn't going out by yourself signal to
everyone that you're a loser with no friends? Doesn't it make you
look weird?
The answer to both these questions is:
NO!!!!!
The simple act of going out on your own can shake your comfort
zone, because you have no anchors to keep you there. Often your
friends will act as an anchor to your comfort zone that keep you
from approaching women. And it is easier to break out of this
comfort zone without those anchors present. Plus, you don't have
to worry about failing with women and being judged by your friends
if they're not around.
But the most powerful thing about going out by yourself is that it
puts your focus on what you are doing. This means that every
interaction you have is without distraction, so it is more easily
examined and the problems you had are more easily identified. This
allows you to spot your sticking points more quickly and correct
them.
Not only that, but being out by yourself gives you the freedom of
flexibility when it comes to where you're going and who you talk
to. If you're bored with a place, you can leave and go to another
one. If you want to talk to a girl who your friends might poke fun
at you for, you can. Not only this, but you're free to mess up the
interactions you have, because chances are, no one there will ever
see you again, so you don't have to worry about what others think
of you.
But like all things, knowing what to say will help you to go out by
yourself and succeed at increasing your ability to approach. There
are many examples of Openers to say in my book The Art of
Attraction, but some guys will need to know how to handle the
inevitable question "Where are your friends?"
Something I've used to great effect is the answer "Oh, they're
around." This simple dismissive statement not only answers the
question, but as far as anyone knows, you're telling the truth.
But if you want to take it a step further, I've even used this as
an Opener at times I've been out by myself.
The "My Friends Ditched Me" Opener
This works great whenever you're out somewhere by yourself.
Basically, you approach your target or a group, and say:
"Hey guys, you won't believe this. All week, me and my friends
have been planning on going out and having a good time, because
we've all been busy and we wanted to blow off some steam. So we
made plans to go out tonight, right? Well, one by one they call me
up and say stuff like "I'm too tired," or "My girlfriend wants
to
watch a movie," and stuff like that. Some friends huh? Bunch
of
lame-o's. But I'm thinking there might be something more to this,
because last week two of my friends had a knock-down drag out fight
over some girl they both like, so the situation is all weird. Do
you guys have any friends who got split up by someone they both
liked?"
Using this, you set the stage that you're out by yourself because,
well, unlike your friends, YOU'RE not lame! Not only that, you
throw in a nice Drama Opener in there to engage the group.
And if you're still too shy to go out by yourself, then try this
little trick:
When you go out with your friends -- DITCH THEM. Go off on your
own and leave them behind for a while, then meet up with them
later. This can be quite an effective method if your friends don't
mind you leaving!
If you don't know what a Drama Opener is, check it out in my book
The Art of Approaching. It's got TONS of openers and other things
to say so that you never have to worry about how you're going to
meet women again. If you're one of those guys who gets tounge-tied
around beautiful girls, or if your mind likes to "blank" out on
you, then you definitely need to check out my book right now by
clicking below:
