Confidence - Turning Your Weaknesses Into Strengths

That’s right, it’s so well known it’s axiomatic, few people worry more about their appearance than those who have the least to worry about.

Of course, if your butt size was worth $3.5 million in endorsements, you’d worry too.

But that’s not the point.  These loveliest of ladies have been worrying about their looks since WELL BEFORE their first Guess ad.  Before they knew they’d make their money by wearing lingerie.  Most beautiful women have worried about their appearance since, well, they got their first mirror.

I have a friend who once dated an absolute knockout, but she was so concerned about her TOES and obsessed in such an annoying way that it contributed to their BREAKUP.

Think about that.

Of course, when your greatest asset is your looks, it’s natural to pay it excessive attention, for good and ill.

But that’s not the real story.  The point is, EVERYONE is self-conscious about something.  Sometimes even our GREATEST STRENGTHS.

So now, one time only, take out your hanky and group-hug all the rest of the world in the knowledge that you’re not perfect.  And you never will be.  Even Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise have problems.  ESPECIALLY Tom.

The thing is, your problems are not the problem.  It’s when you are NERVOUS and INSECURE about them that things go wrong.

I know hideously ugly guys who are great with the girls.  There are guys who can’t tie their own shoes, yet get their pick of ladies.  Why?

They have CONFIDENCE.  And that, friends, is extremely sexy.  In fact, it’s probably the most attractive attribute any man can have.  It can trump any and every flaw you have.

Ok, take a moment now and think about what personal flaws YOU obsess about.  Write them down.  Study them.

Now realize that NO ONE cares about them as much as YOU.  Except for a few lucky oblivious people, we are always our own worst critics.  Not to mention the harshest.

Admit it, you can enter a negative cycle of thinking from any of these flaws faster than Paris Hilton can embarrass herself.  You’ve probably used them as excuses for past failures.

Not probably, you HAVE used them.

Well, it’s time to grow up.  Your flaws are not the problem, it is your associated behavior that sabotages you.  If you spend your time imagining how a foible will cause you to fail, you’ve done nothing but prepare yourself for failure.

Listen, women hate weakness.  And few things stink of weakness like a guy who can’t believe in himself.

There is no quick fix for this, since your BODY LANGUAGE will give away your secret insecurity.  Women are MUCH better at reading your gestures, and most of the time we aren’t even aware we’re using weak body language.

For example, fidgety hands playing with zippers or buttons are a dead giveaway.  So is constantly touching your face – in fact, ANY extra movement will be read as nerves.

And in the greatest ironic knife-twist, the more we like a lady, the more our nerves act up.

So what’s a guy to do?

I thought you’d never ask.

There are two angles you should come at this problem from, the inner and the outer.

The outer is easier, but much less important.  This involves moving slowly and deliberately (but not stiffly).  Being able to give a relaxed smile at the right time, not pressing to impress.  Holding yourself erect, shoulders back, hips forward, head high.  Walking smoothly, having each action look natural and effortless.

Easy to describe, hard to do, right?  That’s why the inner game is more important.  The outer will follow.

What do I mean by the inner game?  You need to feel comfortable in different situations, feel comfortable as yourself and believe that you are one hell of a hunk, flaws and all (one more group hug, anyone?)

One way to do this is to actively improve yourself in areas where you feel lacking.  Think you’re overweight?  Hit a gym – you might not have a six-pack, but you’ll feel better about your body and things in general.  Simply being proactive can change your attitude in a hurry.

Feel illiterate in intellectual waters?  Read some books, take a class, do something to improve your confidence.

Of course, not all things can be changed.  Unless you’ve got some cool Disco Stu goldfish-filled platform shoes, a short guy will always be short.

The real key to all of this is remembering that your shortcomings JUST DON’T MATTER AS MUCH AS YOU THINK.  It’s your nerves that do you in.

Simply knowing that everyone has something they are self-conscious about is the first step.  Hell, Tom Cruise is, what, 5’4”?  Sean Connery is bald.  Everyone is something.

The attractive man JUST DOESN’T CARE.  This can take many different forms, and you should experiment to find one that’s comfortable for you.

Some guys go with self-deprecating humor to show they’re comfortable with it.  You can actually turn a perceived weakness into a strength.

Still others are so comfortable with themselves that they don’t even think about it, thus avoiding a self-made stumbling block.

Just like every unfortunate birthday victim you’ve given a toaster to says, it’s the THOUGHT that counts.  Picture failure, and you fulfill it.  Picture success – picture yourself at your best – and you create a confident atmosphere which others will find attractive.

It’s homework time.  Check out your list from earlier, and now make another list of ways you telegraph that insecurity.  If you need to, go out and try talking to five women while thinking about it.  Let yourself obsess.  It’s your last chance (and it’s good practice for avoiding attachment to any one woman).  Notice how the ladies react.

Now go out and talk to 10 women, while trying some of that self-deprecating humor.  It might take more trials as you’ll likely have nervous insecure laughter to begin with.  You can’t do this as compensation for ‘shortcomings’, and the only way to get past that stage is to PRACTICE.

Try to look at yourself from an objective standpoint.  Do this until you can SINCERELY laugh about your ‘faults’ without letting them concern you.  And keep the cocky attitude flying high the whole time if you want this to work.

Finally, if you feel like you’re comfortable with yourself, try talking to 10 more women without self-conscious thoughts in your mind.  If somehow the conversation gets to a sensitive area, see if you can make a natural funny comment, and notice the reaction of the people you’re talking to.

During this little exercise, also notice your BODY LANGUAGE.  If you feel yourself acting nervy, practice relaxing.  Learn to breath deep.  Control your motions.

After doing this, you should have a solid understanding of how your own beliefs affect the reactions of those around you.  Remember this is YOUR movie, and YOU can control it.  Keep the easy arrogant comedy going, and watch the difference between each group of ladies you’ve conversed with and teased about their OWN faults (but be funny!)

With enough practice you should be relaxed in your own skin, and ready to show off that shiny confident attitude that all the most successful people have.  Get the attitude, and the rest will follow.

Clark